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As a kid, I talked with a lisp and hated sports, and I preferred to sing and study.

At some point, I learned that these are guh gay male traits, and then I knew: I was going to grow up to be a gay man. I was wrong.

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That is, we assume all men and women might not be so gemale, or we remove our assumptions from the picture altogether. But in our historically queer capital and urban America generally, effeminate straight men like me are often presumed to be gay until proven otherwise.

Is my experience the flipside of the old normal?

In college, I concentrated in lesbian and gay studies, and these days I write about queer issues and events. Not frieds agrees, and so not all women go for femme or bi guys.

Is this some misguided form of straight guilt? By using neutral pronouns and descriptors straigyt the way I speak, am I being politically sensitive or just cultivating misperception? Most problematic of all, am I unfairly appropriating queer culture, hoping for some kind of privilege or a certain kind of respect?

Or instead am I forgoing the straight privileges most of us take for granted? Men can be so preoccupied with seeming straight or masculine.

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Afraid to challenge him, my superior in front of a crowded room, I just agreed. I wanted the story, after all.

Those rulings are just the beginning, not the culmination, of a larger change in American society as queer culture friende the mainstream.

San Francisco is changing too.

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Some say our city is becoming less gay. Sure, a queerer world might be a more confusing one, but it also promises to be a place where individuals can be whoever they are.

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